I Signed Up for the Rollercoaster

Shaking like crazy with a needle to my belly…

I read through the instructions 100 times. I had Dave read through the instructions too. Tonight was my first round of injections and I’m….actually mad about it.

I did this once before as part of, I would say a “testing” to see what my body would react to. I didn’t have to do injections to have Allie. The last time wasn’t easy and very much the same as this time because the litter load of stuff I have to take requires tight calendars and reminders dinging on my phone every time I blink.

DON’T BLINK!

Take this everyday, and every third day take this, and stop this on this day, and start this on this day, and continue this for 7.5 days & 35 seconds. 🤬

Doctors and their “processes”. Why change it if it worked fine last time? {extended eye roll}

I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life. It has gotten worse as I’ve aged, assuming because the stressors are different? Although I can do a decent job at controlling it, there are times like this week where, I don’t know it’s happening until it’s too late. I can’t stop it from starting and it’s too short of a wave to pull out of. It’s like a rush of adrenaline only, it’s stress. I’m not thinking about anything and in fact, I feel like I am living a normal day. However, my mind knows there are “looming” things. This rollercoaster, which will last many more weeks, is the looming thing. It started the day after I got that box of crap. Ever step in a pile of horse manure? It’s the same if you can imagine stepping in it everyday. 🤣

I catch myself taking these long deep breaths as if I’m trying to catch my breath or slow my heart rate down… only my heart isn’t racing. Strange right? I know lots of people who have anxiety so, I’m sure many of you know what I’m sayin’. It’s nice to know you’re not alone, isn’t it? 🙋🏻‍♀️

So in short, today sucks. But, you can burn that box of tissues because I ain’t goin there. 💪🏼 not today, Marsha.

Tomorrow, we will talk about food. Something homemade. When I’m stressed, the best thing for me is to be creative.

If I’m brave enough, maybe I’ll try a video. Who knows.

Ride or Die. -JB