I like me a good pie.

I like almost every kind of pie and if it’s in my house, I partake of the pie everyday until it’s g’gonski. Sometimes pie can and will be breakfast, it all depends on how I’m feeling at the moment. Lol. 

Ever eat humble pie? Gotcha!

Let me share something’ with ya. 
If you know me well enough, you know I’m not able to hide how I’m feeling on the inside because my face is a direct reflection of the thoughts inside my head. I actively and consciously work on “stone face” because if you’re paying attention to my facial expressions when someone says something, does something that’s wrong, strange, silly or stupid, I can assure you that my thoughts on the matter are showing on my face. I can communicate with my eyes and if within range and I lock eyes with you, you can most certainly download the information I have in the crown. Snazzy, huh? Lol.

It’s not always fun. It works out well when something is funny because I can almost always make you laugh. Other times, wellllll not so much.

In addition to this face of mine, I kind of have a mouth to match although, the Lord has done such great things in my life and really helped transform my character in wonderful ways (all to your benefit, I assure you). I don’t have a very large “filter” and although I don’t think I can continue to say that I am “aggressive”, I am bold and most certainly outspoken when the need arises. I am very loving and kind but, pick a fight with me in Walmart and i’ve got a spare pair of red gloves in my back pocket. It basically all boils down to defending myself, that’s when I am the most “aggressive”. If you share something with me that I know is flat out wrong, I will almost always let you hang yourself unless you invite me in for comment. Then I would ask, “do you want to hear my opinion?”. I have chosen to remain quiet unless invited for comment for various reasons that aren’t worth explaining here. And, it’s not the point of writing this. 
I am setting you up for a story, lol.

So there I was….

It was a nice warm day the beginning of summer, I was 8 months pregnant and Allie and I had just woken up from a nap. Naps during these days were so necessary. I was exhausted in every way possible and just extremely uncomfortable. I had the windows open because there was a nice breeze that would pass through the house except when I woke up, I woke to the sound of my neighbors dog barking non-stop.
This dog is a pup, high energy and, barks relentlessly. 
Its not the first time, the 3rd time or, the 7th time that I have had to endure the barking, this happened once or twice last year .
The way the houses are set, everything in our back yards echo so, it sounds as if the dog is standing outside my windows. I had yelled over a couple times in the past, including last year, for them to get their dog and they took care of it. This time was different. So, when I woke from my nap this day, fat and uncomfortable, I had immediately exceeded my ability to handle it and I yelled out the window. The next day, their dog barked from 9am to just after they finished dinner outside and I finally decided to do something about it. I couldn’t handle not having my home be a place of peace. I couldn’t think straight with the sound and I genuinely thought I was going to lose my mind so, I called animal control after looking up the noise ordinance in my town. The neighbor yelled at me over the fence and I returned with comment. Remember…defense.

Was I within my right? Of course! 
Was I right? Yes.
Was I kind, loving and Christlike? Um…

I felt instant justice. The police showed up, told the neighbor I called because their dog needed to stop barking, even though it was supposed to be an anonymous call and I was mad at them for lying to me, I honestly could not have cared less that they knew I called. I was tired and fed up. From then on, it was peaceful and quiet and I was thrilled.

Then about four weeks later came the ever so, inconvenient prodding of the Holy Spirit. I no longer had peace. It was subtle at first. I started to question whether I had done the right thing. I genuinely believed it was less confrontational to have someone else tell them than me, given my hormonal state and, I had no doubts about that.

But if I was right and within my right to make the call, why didn’t I have peace? What on earth was wrong with what I did if I had a right to do it? 
The answer: I am called to be different. I am set apart. I am molded into the likeness of Christ and I pray all the time for him to make me more like Him. I ask for His eyes to see people, His heart to feel for people the way I believe He does. He’s not just changing me, He HAS changed me. 

I sat with this feeling, this lack of peace until a few days ago and I knew I had to do something. You see, I spend my life ministering to other women. I am in constant communication with women and to some extent men, teaching, molding, praying, and helping people handle situations the RIGHT way, the Godly way. I literally spend my life teaching people to not act the way I did and how hypocritical of me to handle my neighbors with such carelessness knowing what I know! I felt like I had failed them. I felt as if I had robbed them of their backyard serenity. They have two little kids that would always be playing back there and for a few months I didn’t really notice they spent any time out there. I wrecked it, didn’t I?

It is never too late to restore a relationship. Just like its never too late for us to be restored to our maker. There is no limit to His open arms and we need to be the same way toward others regardless of how we are treated.

Saturday morning I woke up and searched for their address and names on the Internet. I found phone numbers and an email address. I felt like the email address would allow me to write a heartfelt apology the way I knew it needed to be said. I wasn’t even sure it was the correct email address but, I did it anyway. Somehow I knew it would reach them. I expected God to make sure it did and I told Him I would give it a day or two and send a hand written letter to the house just to make sure it got there. 

I ate my humble pie and enjoyed every single letter I typed. I took responsibility for that day regardless of my pregnant hormonal self. I wanted them to know how awful it was of me to act the way I did even though I thought I was doing the right thing. I also wanted them to know this wasn’t a normal day for me, that the person they encountered that day is not who God has made me to be today. I sincerely apologized, asked them to forgive me and told her [wife] that I deeply desired to make it right. 

I hit send and I felt released. 

The reason why most of us [believers] forgive is because we know its our duty and we do it for US. We do it so that we can have peace and ‘never mind the other guy because that’s on them’, right?!?  l could tell you of a hundred times where I forgave another so that I could walk in freedom. This one was for them and I knew it with every fiber of my being. THIS felt better than any other time I had forgiven someone for ME. So that’s what selflessness feels like? Give me more, Jesus! I can’t actually explain that to you, i’m sorry I don’t have the words.

Sunday came, I heard the family in their back yard and somehow I just knew they got it…I knew it was going to be okay. Less than an hour later, the wife was at my door with cupcakes.
Go ahead and cry, I did!!! Lol

Change doesn’t just involve asking for it. It involves listening, evaluating and being aware of how you interact with everyone you come in contact with and then, deciding to be better at all of it. I choose it and because I choose it, God gives me the grace, patience and, love that I never had for people around me. I will take that over any self righteous attitude and the need to be right or justified any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Standing in front of my neighbor, eye to eye with my apology was the greatest feeling I have had in a long time. 

Is there someone in your life that you need to apologize to? The size of the problem doesn’t matter, only the size of your pride. I encourage you to go to that person and yes, its okay to start it in an email or a text.
Let me know if I can help you make that step, I am here.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Stay Humble,
Jennie B