She’s Four.
The wide array of emotions I have swirling inside of me are insane. I swear just yesterday she learned to walk. Time has gone by too fast.
Just before she turned two, I renovated one of the bedrooms to give her an upgrade. She went from the nursery to a bigger room with a toddler bed because I thought she would want to be in her own bed. I was wrong. Hahaha. Although she did sleep in it a dozen different times for naps, she never wanted to sleep alone at night.
No problem! I loved her endless snuggles so, I would never have forced her out.
Another [almost] two years have gone by and now she’s literally kicking us in the face in the middle of the night. I would probably have put up with it forever but, poor Dave. Lol. So, I knew it was time for a transition.
We never wanted to force her into change. I guess I just knew when it was the right time for stuff to change and knew she would adjust fine to it. We talked a lot about when she would grow to be a big girl and what it would look like when she did. She would call herself a big girl and then we would attach those thoughts to a conversation based on her independence. It worked really well.
A couple weeks ago I gave her another upgrade knowing it was time for a transition. I got her a twin sized bed, rearranged things in her room to look like it belonged to a “big girl”. She absolutely loved it. But being the smart Alec she is, she said she would sleep in it when she got a TV.
Well played.
We watch a Disney princess movie every night. She loves it, it’s a wind down time and if you’re against TV at night, that’s okay. You do you, booboo. Lol. We limit her screen time so, we don’t really have an issue with a movie at night. She never sees the end because for one, I always choose one she has seen 100 times so she doesn’t care to watch what happens and two, they’re short movies. I’m strategic.
So, here we are at Walmart a day later buying her a little TV. Lol. Suckers. I know.
That night, I snuggled with her in her bed as she fell asleep to Cinderella. I snuggled her just as I would if she were in my bed except just a little tighter because I knew I had to leave her there. I felt so proud of her. I was so happy that she was happy with her room and her bed and her TV. She went off into sleep as if she had always been in this new bed. I laid there for a while just holding her and staring at her with that gratitude. I laid there for I don’t know how long. Then I went to my room, sat up in bed, covered myself up with the blankets and looked to my left at the empty place she would have been.
I lost it. I’m crying now just thinking about it.
Just like that she was grown. It’s been four years. Four years that her and I have slept in arms, face to face. We have held each other for four years as we fell asleep and that had ended. The little girl that she was yesterday, I would have no more and I can’t tell you how much it BREAKS my heart that it’s happening. That night I sobbed uncontrollably and for a good 80 minutes I STRUGGLED to pull myself together. I couldn’t even get up to get tissues because I was a complete mess. I texted Dave who was on the other side of the house. I’m glad I texted him because I definitely needed help pulling out of where I was mentally but, all I did was drag that guy into my mess.
How do we watch our children grow and not have it hurt at the same time? It’s impossible. And now she’s FOUR! 😩 Shes four, taking swim lessons, gets herself dressed, plays all on her own, writes her name, helps with her brother, feeds him when I need an extra hand, and so much more!
Life is bittersweet. I’m thankful for everyday that she learns or does something new. I literally cherish every moment of her life. She is one of the greatest things that’s ever happened in my life and I am so thankful that I get to be her mom. She made me a mother. 😭 What a blessing!
What have I learned? Nothing. I am a mess. A blubbering mess. Lol
I’m kidding. I have two very important pieces of advice.
One. Don’t let your kids sleep with you! Yes, I’m yelling. Don’t even think for one night. Not because it’s wrong but because it’s so hard to let them go. It killed me. My husband welled up with tears watching how much it hurt me to let her grow.
Two. Literally cherish everything your kids do. Don’t miss the important stuff. Don’t ignore the requests for you to go play or color with your kids. When that little voice asks “will you come play with me?” If you don’t have your hands dirty making dinner or you’re dying, you best stop what you’re doin’ and get your fanny wherever they want you. You only get one chance. Only ONE. You don’t have the child you had just yesterday. That little guy/girl is gone and morphed into an older version and yes, it happens overnight, it happens everyday and if you blink, ITS GONE.
I know WHY we have kids. But, I have to ask myself why we do it to our emotional sanity. Lol. What a wonderful, heart wrenching experience. I wish it on everyone.
If you don’t have kids yet, I’m praying for you. However God makes a way for you, I’m praying that dream becomes reality.
I’m going to have cake for breakfast. Since I just relived a sad day for you, I think I deserve it, hahaha. You can have cake too. Life is short.
Have a great day! Xo
Jennie B
Yes it is hard to see them grow up and eventually grow away. But each age has its grace, wonder and happiness.
None of this growing up stuff is easy. Hard on us. Hard on them. Sometimes you have to look hard to find the joy within the tears. In the end , it’s all ok and the heartache and happiness makes sense when reflecting back