Within a year of attending church, Dave and I were asked to help lead a young adult ministry. At the time there were no groups around so, this helped unite many young adults from a handful of churches in and around the area. We got to know and love so many of those people. Some of those people I still talk to regularly.
Now, if Christianity isn’t your thing or your not interested in God, hang in here with me, I promise this is going somewhere. Hopefully you can see the beauty in it whether you believe or not.
It was a summer night and half of our group was inside my home and the other half outside. (When we got together, there were dozens of us). We spent time together, we lived life together and it was a really great time in the early years of my walk with God.
We were having a bible study this night and before we got started, a young woman walked into my yard. She came by herself because she heard that a group like ours was meeting and she wanted to come check it out. As she walked up to me, she was familiar but, I had no idea why.
We quickly connected bits of information and laughter and while standing in my kitchen, after what felt like hours of starring at each other both knowing we knew we had known each other but, could not figure out where, it hit me. She was the older sister of a friend I had I had when I was in elementary school.
After it was over, Everyone went home and I couldn’t stop talking about it. I couldn’t believe she just showed up. I was amazed at how small of a world it was and in that same moment and sentence I realized an entire block of my life had been completely forgotten. I looked at Dave and burst into tears.
Why?
I remembered that I had more good memories from my childhood. I lacked this information.
I can’t tell you how incredibly freeing that was for me. The darkness that was my childhood had drowned out most happy memories I had. I DID have good times, I did laugh and there were many times I was happy.
I had completely forgotten them.
Seeing her literally flooded my mind and my heart with so many memories of fun and laughter I had with my friend that I couldn’t contain the emotion. I enjoyed the times we had. We roller skated in her basement, we swam all summer long in the pool, we forced ourselves to love grapefruit (maybe that was just me) we slept in, we played games, I ate dinner with their family more times than I could count. I stayed there for days upon days.
I was safe there. I had forgotten that too.
Her home was a place I had a chance to get away from what was going on at home and no one knew it but me. Her family loved me and accepted me even though they knew the kind of home I lived in and where I came from. She was one of two people (friends) who were the closest to me when my father got arrested and went to prison. I was at her home when my family picked me up to go give my statement to the police. I even think her dad, an officer, helped my mom with protecting us from him. I won’t get into details because I can’t right now.
There is so much I could say about them that would fill pages upon pages. Good, genuinely loving people. I met them when I was in 4th grade, I think? It’s so hard to remember small details like the year. Lol.
One time in 5th grade, my friend made me laugh so hard and out loud during a writing test that I nearly got kicked out of class. That teacher did take my Doritos though… good ole Mrs. Adams. In her defense, I had already disrupted the class three other times by laughing out loud.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I was able to reconnect with their mom after that and we have not lost touch since. Because relationships like that don’t die. Because even though I know my friends mom loves and cares for me still, I was able to reach out to her after I broke down in tears at the dinner table.
It was my first round of oil injections with the big needle. I was on the phone with my sister when I became overwhelmed with grief. I did not want to do this. She even offered to do this for me. The instructions made me so nervous that I didn’t even want Dave to do it. I’m so grateful for her and Dave’s willingness to help me. I was too afraid to let them and I was too afraid to do this myself.
I tried to get it out of my head but I couldn’t. I ate dinner but, couldn’t focus. Dave and I tried to think of a nurse that we knew and trusted that could help me. Only two people came to mind and my friends mom was the first one.
I messaged her to ask about needle size and her response was “do you want me to do it for you?” I don’t have words for how much of a relief that offer was to me. Within 10 minutes I was in my car on my way to her home.
It doesn’t take away all of the grief I feel about the fact that I have to do this but, this was a good reminder for me that people love me and they are willing to sacrifice their time and comfort to see me succeed on this journey. What three people offered me was so selfless and that’s the only word I can use to describe them.
Fast forward a few days and I met her again today so that she could show Dave how to do it. Thankfully the injections are every three days. Does it hurt after, oh yes. Mind over matter with the needle but, getting a shot into a muscle always hurts later on and it’s sore for days.
My doctors office told me I have to do this until they tell me to stop which is around 10 weeks pregnant.
As I hang my head in disappointment I have to choose and choose quickly, to remind myself that even though this is my struggle, I have a good chance of being a mom to another baby at the end of it.
It’s a short season in this crazy game of life, dodging bullets and trying not to drown. I keep smiling. No matter what, I smile because I still know what I’m freed from.
I try to look at life through a filtered lens. We all have something we struggle with. There will always be someone or something in our life that causes us tension, stress, worry, or frustration. It’s how we deal with those things or people that matter the most. I have learned to return it all with Love. I am much happier doing so. Besides, I have a Dad that can take care of bi’nuss.
Of course I have those moments when I want to rip someone’s face off, lol. I’m still human and let’s be frank, people can really suck sometimes. Hahaha.
Nowadays, I’m only there a few seconds before I say “okay Lord. They or it belongs to You. Take it from me, deal with that mess because I choose to live in peace.”
Perseverance produces character and strength. Be thankful for the hard times. Even if you don’t “feel it”, say it. I promise you will feel the weight lifted.
Let me know if I can pray for you. ♥️
-Jenn
💖 you are so special to me 💖
Ditto!